Life with him-

Life with him-

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Living with him was like swimming in a shark infested ocean and coming out alive. The constant fear of wondering if I would ever make it to the shore; getting there and experiencing relief which lasts only for a few seconds, because I know. No doubt about it, the next day would bring with it, another date with the ocean. The fear, the apprehension and the cycle continues… That was life with him.

Don’t you dare tell me I should have tried harder. There are not many people who would survive a day and I did; I gave it seven years of my life which I can never get back. Was it patience or helplessness? Love or foolishness?

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Stuck-

Stuck-

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The world has moved on,
But not me.
I still have the same dreams
I had as a teen,
The same visual,
Same people,
Same tears,
same anger.
The world has moved on,
Leaving behind- me.

It rained in April,
Now the weather is a haze;
The trees bloomed an olive green,
It’s November and they are bare.
The lonelies have found friends
The singles have found love,
The jobless are employed,
Leaving behind- me.

The world has moved on,
I am stuck in a scene,
I take two steps forward,
Then one step back in.

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Priorities-

Priorities-

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You tell me you’re busy,
And I tell you its fine;
But the truth of the matter is
Maybe- I’m not worth your time.

You tell me not to worry,
Its the job that entails ;
While night turns to morning,
And your bed lays unslept.

You tell me you love me,
And “we”mean everything;
But your actions say other
Than the words which you speak.

But I tell you its okay,
And I say I understand;
For if this marriage doesn’t work,
It wont be cause I didn’t try.

So you tell me you’re busy,
And I say its alright;
But know, the day you’ll be free-
I might not be around…
Anymore.

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Closure-

Closure-

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One word… seven letters.
I always had this idea that to move on, to let go of the past, to put one foot in front of the other through the door called future, I had to have it- closure.

And I sought it, I chased it, I pled for it.  Each time I thought I was close to it, closure merely opened a can-worm of emotions I had no idea still existed within me, no idea how to handle them.

The search for closure led me down a path I should never have tread, a path of hurt of pain of emotions I should never have felt again. And every single time, I still kept going back, for that closure. The person In me, never learnt.

I’m only now understanding, coming to the conclusion- closure isn’t a conversation that needs to be had, it’s not a word that needs to said or unsaid, it’s not a meeting which needs to take place, one last time.

Closure, simply is putting my big girl pants on, taking that big leap of faith through the door into the future with the ideology- Life starts now. And it doesn’t matter, whatever words lie behind the door which were never said, whatever final meeting which never happened, closure doesn’t have to come from an outside source.

The only closure I need, is the closure from within myself, to be able to say done and dusted, and mean it… closure comes from me.

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U- Understand (to the one who walked out)

U- Understand (to the one who walked out)

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Understand,
When you decided,
We wasn’t worth the war,
My nights turned colder,
Than the December weather,
Soaked sheets became my partner
And gloom my constant shadow.
I was broken
And I showed it.

But understand,
A man walked out before you,
I was six and I remember,
Gazing through
Night constellations,
Wondering when,
He’ll make an appearance.
I was six,
I learnt to mend me.

Understand,
My atoms are made of
Brokenness and resilience,
And the stars at night I gaze at,
Remind me, of the light in darkness;
And my Lord,
Who saved me at six,
Wouldn’t leave me broken at thirty.
Understand- today I am grieving,
Tomorrow, will dawn a new scene.
Time for wallowing,
Time for fixing.

Flash Fiction: Dodged a bullet

Flash Fiction: Dodged a bullet

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She sat at the edge of the cliff with her legs, dangling 650 ft above ground. The scorching sun, masking the fact that Autumn was here, at least it should have been; just like many aspects of her life.

Jamila had the greatest shock when she found out, the man she was getting married to, someone she trusted with her loved ones, her son, was in fact a con, arriving Algeria only because of its no extradition law.

She took a deep breath in an effort to absorb the nature around her, anything to distract her mind. Droplets of water settled on her forehead and she gazed towards the sky.
But it’s supposed to be Autumn, she sighed.

The showers turned into a lot more and within a few minutes, Jamila couldn’t distinguish between the water from the sky and those from her eyes.
I needed that, she smiled, soaking in the rain and for the first time since the incident, grateful to God for having dodged a bullet.


word count: 168. This story is in response to Flash Fiction for aspiring writers photo prompt challenge. Each week, we are provided a picture to write a 75-175 word story. Thank you Grant-Sud for providing us with this week’s photo. 

Day 11: I know what you did

Day 11: I know what you did

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I know what you did last night,
And the night before,
And all those other times,
when you said you were at work;
I know what you did,
But I am bidding my time,
Getting my coins,
So I can- Pack my bag.

I know what you did,
though we’ve got two kids,
And another on the way,
Who would have
Looked up to you;
And Lord knows I tried,
To see if you’ll change your ways,
But there is nothing remorseful,
In what you do, or say.

I know what you did,
And now that she’s arrived-
My little bundle of joy,
My bags are out of the house.
And maybe you’ll see the light,
And someday change your ways,
But that’s a trouble for another woman,
‘Cause I am done with your page.


Prompt: Day 11 (Night), day 12 (change). This poem is in response to December Poetry Challenge, 31 poems in 31 days. 

On Grief-

On Grief-

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I would tell you loss gets easy,
But I’m sure you’ve felt that pain,
An aching dull sensation,
In the middle of your chest;
Hands tremble uncontrollably,
With the phone gripped to your ear;
Sorry we couldn’t save her,
Is the last statement you hear.

The world spins all around you,
But the truth stares in your face;
A soul you loved, a part of you,
Gone from this universe;
To tell you loss gets easy then,
Wouldn’t take away your pain;
So weep my love- unburden
Grieve if it keeps you sane.

The above Image is courtesy of Brokengypsy.tumblr.com

Sorry’s not Enough-

Sorry’s not Enough-

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I used to think all one had to say was “sorry” when I was wronged.
Sorry, I broke your toy.
Sorry, I stole your note.
Sorry, I yelled at you
Sorry, I grabbed you grimly
Sorry, sorry, sorry… And all would be well in the world.

I didn’t realize, “Sorry” was not a broken record to replayed over and over. It was a testament, a promise saying, “I feel awful for doing that to you and even though I can’t promise I won’t do it again, I vow to do everything within my power to avoid doing it”.
“Sorry”, wasn’t simply accepting you did wrong, it was supposed to mean you were willing to change as well.

It took you saying-
Sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you” over and over like a broken record for the reality of it to click on me. You weren’t sorry. You never were. For you, “Sorry” was nothing more than a five letter word to be stringed at the end of every sentence.

I am Sorry, it took so long for me to realize this.
                           -Sincerely, someone who values the meaning of the word.

3 years-

3 years-

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The fault was never yours in the first place. You never asked me to fall, yet I did. You never promised me a large floating bouncing ball which would break my fall, I just always hoped your love would. I was wrong. But don’t worry, it’s not your fault. Maybe, I miscalculated, misinterpreted.

I never knew how strong I was till it was time to set the clock of our love, my love, to a stop. I thought my world would come crashing when I saw the word “baby”, referring to someone who isnt… Me. Well, my world spiraled a bit but it’s still as strong as ever. I spent 3 years on you, not any more. I spent 3 years on the fictional world I created of us, don’t ask if I regret It.

No, I’m not broken, Just a bit down at the moment. I know I deserve better and we were never right from the start. But I thought, it wouldn’t matter…
Anyway, it’s time… it’s time to put three years worth of practice, to show that love to the one who deserves it first of all- the face I see staring back from the mirror.