When you decided,
We wasn’t worth the war,
My nights turned colder,
Than the December weather,
Soaked sheets became my partner
And gloom my constant shadow.
I was broken
And I showed it.
A man walked out before you,
I was six and I remember,
He’ll make an appearance.
I was six,
I learnt to mend me.
My atoms are made of
Brokenness and resilience,
And the stars at night I gaze at,
Remind me, of the light in darkness;
And my Lord,
Who saved me at six,
Wouldn’t leave me broken at thirty.
Understand- today I am grieving,
Tomorrow, will dawn a new scene.
Time for wallowing,
Time for fixing.
I believe the worst part of it all is wishing love in itself was enough, but knowing it’s not. Knowing, the same the way I know, even though the sun rises each day, it doesn’t mean it’s rays will illuminate the dark within; knowing although the storm doesn’t last forever, it is no guarantee that the destruction the storm leaves wouldn’t . In the same way, I know with certainty and clarity, without any reservations or second thoughts, that I love with you everything I’ve got, with everything I have to offer and more- but It still, would not be enough….
The above image is courtesy of Favim.com
If there’s one thing you’ve taught me, it is not to expect, from lovers or friends. Love leads to expectation, and inevitably, hurt. Tracing your words backward, I chose to love; It wasn’t much of a choice, I had already fallen. You said I was fragile, how I wish you weren’t right. How I wish my heart was a bounce ball, bouncing back after every squash. But it’s not and I’m fragile, like a mirror, like a glass. Never broken by a single smash, merely a compilation of cracks.
Here I am, now, in the present- a compilation of cracks no one would rather see, rather come close to. In fear of being cut, scarred. You tried to smash me into the wall so i’ll fall back in pieces, but I didn’t. I won’t. You May hurt me, crack me, imprint your scar In me- but you can’t break me. Or maybe I’m just unbreakable. Too frozen to be thawed.
In anyway, you’ve shown me one thing- how badly and desperately I am in need of magic. They say it’s a powerful thing. I need magic to taper down the scars you’ve left on my frail self. I need magic to remind me broken doesn’t mean damaged. I need magic in my life, to ease the hurt, to tame the fear of imprinting others the way you did. But mostly, I need magic to remind me, every moment your memory comes flooding back, why in the first place- i let you go.
I need magic to scream in my head, every time your face flashes back, why you are wrong for me in every possible way. I need magic’s reassurance that I am me and maybe that was too much for you to handle. I need magic to confirm what I already know, maybe letting go isn’t so bad after all.
P.S: this random is now on twitter @wordsofarandom. Let’s connect 😀