Life with him-

Life with him-

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Living with him was like swimming in a shark infested ocean and coming out alive. The constant fear of wondering if I would ever make it to the shore; getting there and experiencing relief which lasts only for a few seconds, because I know. No doubt about it, the next day would bring with it, another date with the ocean. The fear, the apprehension and the cycle continues… That was life with him.

Don’t you dare tell me I should have tried harder. There are not many people who would survive a day and I did; I gave it seven years of my life which I can never get back. Was it patience or helplessness? Love or foolishness?

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My star-

My star-

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There’s the sun in the sky,
A showstopper of it’s own runway,
Irrespective of the clouds.

There’s the moon at night,
A star amidst the stars around,
Unmatched in its might.

There are the trees and the
Exotic birds perched amongst them;
There’s the ocean with its waves  
Rising then falling like a rollercoaster play;

There are the mountains,
With their peaks decorated with snows,
There are the valleys,
With water beautifying their body,

And there’s You.
You gush about the universe ,
And the beauty it encompasses;
All I gush about is- You.
They are your stars,
You are my star.

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Priorities-

Priorities-

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You tell me you’re busy,
And I tell you its fine;
But the truth of the matter is
Maybe- I’m not worth your time.

You tell me not to worry,
Its the job that entails ;
While night turns to morning,
And your bed lays unslept.

You tell me you love me,
And “we”mean everything;
But your actions say other
Than the words which you speak.

But I tell you its okay,
And I say I understand;
For if this marriage doesn’t work,
It wont be cause I didn’t try.

So you tell me you’re busy,
And I say its alright;
But know, the day you’ll be free-
I might not be around…
Anymore.

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Closure-

Closure-

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One word… seven letters.
I always had this idea that to move on, to let go of the past, to put one foot in front of the other through the door called future, I had to have it- closure.

And I sought it, I chased it, I pled for it.  Each time I thought I was close to it, closure merely opened a can-worm of emotions I had no idea still existed within me, no idea how to handle them.

The search for closure led me down a path I should never have tread, a path of hurt of pain of emotions I should never have felt again. And every single time, I still kept going back, for that closure. The person In me, never learnt.

I’m only now understanding, coming to the conclusion- closure isn’t a conversation that needs to be had, it’s not a word that needs to said or unsaid, it’s not a meeting which needs to take place, one last time.

Closure, simply is putting my big girl pants on, taking that big leap of faith through the door into the future with the ideology- Life starts now. And it doesn’t matter, whatever words lie behind the door which were never said, whatever final meeting which never happened, closure doesn’t have to come from an outside source.

The only closure I need, is the closure from within myself, to be able to say done and dusted, and mean it… closure comes from me.

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Writer’s Quote: Domestic situation

Writer’s Quote: Domestic situation

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Welcome to another writer’s quote/poem Wednesday, where I share some of my favourite poems written by other authors. I have always loved the quote above my Maya Angelou and try to keep it at the back of my mind, always. It also goes with today’s poem, which is a narrative by Ernest Hilbert that runs on the simple theme that – love is blinding to some.

The main character is someone who should have ended up going to jail at the end of the poem, but rather, he was headed to the altar to get hitched. Like the last line said, “don’t try to understand what another person means by love”.
Here’s the poem below.

Domestic Situation by Ernest Hilbert

Maybe you’ve heard about this. Maybe not.
A man came home and chucked his girlfriend’s cat
In the wood chipper. This really happened.
Dinner wasn’t ready on time. A lot
Of other little things went wrong. He spat
On her father, who came out when he learned
About it. He also broke her pinky,
Stole her checks, and got her sister pregnant.
But she stood by him, stood strong, through it all,
Because she loved him. She loved him, you see.
She actually said that, and then she went
And married him. She felt some unique call.
Don’t try to understand what another
Person means by love. Don’t even bother.

Goodnight-

Goodnight-

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I knew the love wasn’t there anymore, when he’d end with just “goodnight”. A sign so trivial, only a better half can be expected to notice- and I did.
Goodnight, he said simply. Without any accompaniment; no dear to lighten it, no honey to sweeten it. And I knew, it was only a matter of time before even the goodnight would vanish.

It wasn’t the ending that hurt. It was- watching everything evaporate right before my eyes, watching a marriage collapse, brick by brick. Seeing the sand grains float to the ground and knowing there was nothing I could do about it. He had made his choice… for us.

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Love & Poetry

Love & Poetry

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You tell me it’s all fiction,
the poetry you write,
That reality is far fetched,
From the land your muse resides,

The so called “love” you’d written,
Are words without much heart,
And I wonder if you think back,
To the ring on your finger.

You’d ask of my opinion,
And of course I’d say it’s great,
But I wonder, don’t you think our love,
Is worth words on a page.

So I read through every single page,
With pulse at a heightened pace,
And wonder will this be the day,
Our love inspires poetry.

Would you?

Would you?

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If I poured my soul in verses,
And stamped it in hearts,
Sent it to the places,
You lived since we parted,
Would you look back
For a moment,
At the memories we had,
The good and the bad,
With my words in your mind.

Would you take down the ring,
From the shelf it’s been standing,
Take a look at the pictures,
Of the babies we are having,
Would you look down your hand,
With my memories beside you,
Gaze at your fingers,
Knowing something is missing.

If I told you I’m sorry,
And we miss you in our family,
Would you give us a chance,
Or would you still leave me hanging.
If I poured my soul in verses,
And stamped them in hearts,
To bring back our family,
Would those words suffice…

You are sufficient-

You are sufficient-

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He is the sun,
Reflecting light from afar,
Attracting,
Pulling one and all towards him.

He is the sun,
A ginormous creation,
Appealing,
Even from a distance.

He is the sun,
But you-
my dear,
are the sky.
A vast entity of infinite
Creations,
Atoms upon molecules;
A necessity,
In calm or adversity.

He is the sun,
Needed,
But only for a while.
He maybe the sun,
You are the sky.
Come rain,
Come sunshine,
Your need never falls short.

Don’t let his shine,
Diminish your vast,
You- are sufficient.

U- Understand (to the one who walked out)

U- Understand (to the one who walked out)

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Understand,
When you decided,
We wasn’t worth the war,
My nights turned colder,
Than the December weather,
Soaked sheets became my partner
And gloom my constant shadow.
I was broken
And I showed it.

But understand,
A man walked out before you,
I was six and I remember,
Gazing through
Night constellations,
Wondering when,
He’ll make an appearance.
I was six,
I learnt to mend me.

Understand,
My atoms are made of
Brokenness and resilience,
And the stars at night I gaze at,
Remind me, of the light in darkness;
And my Lord,
Who saved me at six,
Wouldn’t leave me broken at thirty.
Understand- today I am grieving,
Tomorrow, will dawn a new scene.
Time for wallowing,
Time for fixing.