GONE GIRL: Throw me something better, I dare ya!

GONE GIRL: Throw me something better, I dare ya!

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I have the bad habit of reading a book summary rather than going full on to read a book. Of course I have my reasons (Which might not be rational), but anyway- I hate Romance. Yup, I know hate is a big word and I dislike to use it, but in the case of romance, it is necessary. Btw, no offense to romance novel readers. I don’t know, some say it’s a phase (I doubt it) but for the time being, I still can’t stand romance books. I don’t like sci-if or post apocalyptic novels and I don’t like melodramas. Oh, I might also add that I don’t like to read books over a certain number of pages. I’m not one for gigantic novels.

Now, all that said; I have been hearing of a film called ‘Gone girl’. Everyone’s talking about it (on the net, they are) and it’s a novel adaptation. As experience has taught me, I went straight for the bulls horn and checked out the novel. Well, not technically. Basically, I googled ‘Gone girl’ and opened the link that directed me to Wikipedia. I read the summary and my God I was Stunned. I know it’s just a summary but that was one heck of a summary. I mean, it was good! Some may say, well it’s not the full book. But really it’s like this- If a movie trailer is bad, then very few people would watch it, personally I wouldn’t. Same goes for a book.

I love thrillers and Gone Girl, it encompasses everything, from thriller to suspense to a dead-awesome ending. It shows two sides of a story, which I find really appealing.
And at this moment, I feel bad about my writing skills because Gillian Flynn- she has re-written the standards to writing. Now, my new goal is- if I can write at least as good as Gillian Flynn in gone girl, then I’ve made it.

My Picasso

My Picasso

I see Picasso
I see your face
That was the first you wrote
As your twitter name;
It’s been a year
And 6 months to be precise
Since you set this heart ablaze
Then slowly faded away

But oh my Picasso
I still see your face
I remember the words
Which made me sway
My heart beats a little faster
When I see the name-
Picasso written
Across any page

It takes me to a time
When I weaved us dreams
I alone in my bubble
Believed you were my prince
You owe me no deeds
I was just a silly teen
But that name Picasso
Is forever imprinted in my being

Day 4: serially Lost

Day 4: serially Lost

She picks up the phome, ‘mama, I need help’ ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me’

She was trembling, shaking, barely getting the words out. Okay, I was trembling and shaking barely getting the words out. The tears were streaming out, my nose was clogged, and my head was spinning. I knew I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t handle it. There is only so much a teenage soul can take. Teenage soul, or rather an adult soul, I was turning 18 that day.

For almost a week, I could barely hold myself together. A week of hell on earth. The only person I trusted enough was over a thousand miles away from me, my mother. I didn’t know what was happening. I wake up in the morning feeling good and then slip into the depressive cycle. I was way behind In school- I stopped going to school. Nothing felt right anymore. I could barely eat, I was losing weight ( which at the time I thought was the only good thing, to become slim again).

“Baby, breathe” …
Stop crying and explain to me, what’s going on?”
Mama, I don’t know”, I managed to say amid the sniffs

How do I explain to her, I feel like my head is about to explode, my body is trembling and I can’t stop crying. It’s been a week, I can’t stop! I can’t read, I can barely function properly. I get tired and agitated easily, the list goes on and on. Still, I managed to explain to the woman that gave birth to me, to the best thing I ever had, roughly what was wrong with me.

What could she do, she was in a different country. Maybe that was a good thing, seeing me In that state was sure to break her heart. Knowing I wake every morning with the hope of not making it through the day. I was prepared for the angel of death, or so I thought.

“Don’t cry, it’s going to be okay“, she says
Okay? Never in my life had I felt so lost as I did in those few days. And she says it’s going to be okay. And yet, whether I believed things will get better or not, there was something just so true in her voice, that I knew I wasn’t alone. It was time to find that lost soul.

10 things I hate about YOU

10 things I hate about YOU

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I hate that you make me talk so much
Deep down I forget I’m drowning

I hate that you make me wish my life
Was a fairy tale now happening

I hate that you make ridiculous jokes
Which still don’t stop me from laughing

I hate that you apologize profusely
Even when I’m the one who’s done wrongly

I hate that you know me so well
You could write my biography

I hate that you know just the right thing to say
When my world is spinning around me

I hate that you make me so comfortable
That I spill to you my darkest secrets

I hate that you love the one thing I love-
You share my love for poetry

I hate that you call right when I’m bored
Like we share some telepathy

I hate that you make me still love you
Even though you’re now just a memory…
You are my favorite memory

Suicide Awareness: show love, it doesn’t hurt

Suicide Awareness: show love, it doesn’t hurt

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          The closer I look, the more I see that there are a lot of people who are desperately in need of love. I thought their lives were perfect but they’ve been struggling for so long. Different people, different battles with only one thing in common- they’ve been fighting alone. I almost want to kick myself for ever thinking their lives were perfect or for being judgmental at some point.

            The past couple of months have been rough, basically 2014 was a tough year for me. But today I realized that I actually got it easy. I thought I was in the darkest of holes but there are people in deeper pits than mine- I never knew. How would I anyway, it’s not like I plastered it on my forehead and told everybody what I was going through; I shouldn’t expect them to do the same.

          So comes the question, how do you determine when the smile is fake? The truth is you don’t. The best you can do is treat them with kindness and maybe the real smile will show. It’s not going to be an easy task trying to make someone who’s almost giving up believe that they are worth this life, they are worth love. I remember, during the bad days, even a little bit of love to me was overwhelming. I remember wanting to burst into tears at even the slightest bit of kindness, it was burdening. But with time, I learnt to understand what love means. It’s not something that only happens on special days, No, it Is something that just occurs naturally. Loving is nature.

            Today, September 10, is World Suicide awareness Day and I decided to wear yellow in honor of families and friends of suicide victims and also suicide survivors. Its never easy to lose a loved one to suicide. I want to use this medium to encourage everyone reading this to educate themselves on Suicidal tendencies and how to deal with suicidal people. And if you feel like this is it, you don’t deserve to live, you do. Your life is special and sacred. There are a lot of people ready to help but you need to take the first step.

             I know it’s a leap of faith, but what’s the worst that can happen if you ask for HELP; give it a shot. Suicide Is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It doesn’t seem like a temporary problem, but it is. Everyone deserves a shot at a happy life; please do not end your life on temporary feelings.

           I cannot end this without emphasizing on LOVE. You never know who you may help with just a little bit of love. Show kindness, it doesn’t hurt.

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                     How do you plan on marking World Suicide awareness Day?

Flawed Emotions

Flawed Emotions

 

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I am supposed to write about how I feel
When I don’t fully understand how that feels

I feel angry… I feel sad
I feel high… Unsatisfied
I feel hopeful… On the wary side
about the future… Yet looking forward to it

I’m scared of being alone
Petrified of being in love
What if love ends? And we’re just
A pair of couple in despair

I’m scared that I am crazy
I’m scared that I am scarred
I’m scared of being too scared
Or damaged beyond repair

I love way too hard
For way too long…
But I never tell a soul
I love in silence, that’s my flaw

And oomf…
He makes me angry
He makes me burn
He fills me with ‘such’ feelings
But He will never know

Half A Heart

Half A Heart

 

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I loved you with all I had
But I guess it wasn’t enough
Through the rain, the storm- what not?!
I still held on, pulled through for love-
Your love…
My one sided love.

Now half my heart is gone
Your empty words took it all
I’m not fine, it hurt- still does
Don’t know if half a heart’s enough
To pump blood through a body, numb

So much for my one sided love,
It never was enough for us….