You don’t remember-

You don’t remember-


He’s just a teen,
Bound to get his back up,
At every little thing-
Don’t you remember it,

Without an offence
Attack, eager to depict-
I’m an adult now,
alternating between
rebellion and obedience,
Don’t you remember it,

By the illusion of teens
In cliques,
Conforming to their
status quo,
At the risk of all
You’ve been raised to be;
Don’t you remember it,

When all you needed,
Instead of a hand,
On your body,
Violently sweeping across,
Were words.
Simply words.

But you don’t remember it.
As your hands,
Swipe across his body.
While the words he yearn
He needs to hear-
You’ve forgotten,
What it means to be-
A teen.

Facebook page: words of a random. let’s connect!

Day 27: Before Adulting-

Day 27: Before Adulting-


We want the summer sun,
when the winter breeze is drifting;
We hide indoors the minute,
the sun makes its appearance.

We want to fall in love,
with the fairytale and charmings’;
We become a flight risk,
at the slightest inconvenience.

We want to have coins,
Fancy houses, latest gadgets;
We do not give up sleeping,
Get a job and start some living.

we want the best of grades,
Not credits, all distinctions;
So long it doesn’t take up,
Much time to do the reading.

We want a lot of things,
When we’re teens and life seems easy;
Too soon, we learn adulting,
is less wanting and more doing.

prompts for Day 27: Childhood (I changed it to teens, because I already did one with the theme of childhood for day 1) and then Day 28: A job. The above image is courtesy of Unconventional

Just a teenager-

Just a teenager-


There was an empty in her laughter,
And less meanings in her words;
Her shoulders- sloped too often,
Closed posture, she assumed;
Heedless to observations,
In a bubble she resides;
Carefree with an air of gloom
Hovering above- she was described.

Lived on the notion love was but
The movies she had watched;
And somewhere In between life threw
Some sunshine in her storm;
For the downer angst filled teen
Displayed emotions ‘stead of words;
‘least that’s what loved ones hoped
Would be the eventuality for-
Anger as hers was consuming
and destroyed the light of soul.

But she’s still a teenage girl,
And lives her life without regard;
And maybe she is satisfied with,
The way her life has panned so far;
There’s lot of road bumps up ahead
The anger’s just begun;
In place of judgement, all she needs-
Is a solid rock to fall back on;
To crash, is inevitable yet the chance
To rise is greatly more-
When knowing there’s someone there
To lend a hand, as you pull back up.

I turned off the comment for this post because I haven’t been able to reply to posts much recently and it’s unfair to have you guys take the time and write such kind words if I don’t reply them on time. I’ve been wrexams since Sunday  but will get back and reply as soon as I can. ❤

image credit: Lelove image

Unplanned period? Oh please, i’m prepared!

Unplanned period? Oh please, i’m prepared!

There are a lot of reasons why being a female is hard. I could actually write a whole long list as to it, but since I am limited to 1500 words for today, I’d pick one and say “period” or In the more formal term”menstruation”.

What I really mean is “impromptu menstruation“. If you are a female, then you know what I’m talking about; that moment when we’re out in public (putting on a white skirt) and then all of a sudden, the walls of our uterus decide to shed and bam, a red spot which gradually expands, appears on the skirt In public, for all to see. Yeah, getting stained in public is not a pretty experience at all. And if you haven’t experienced this, then I want to say you are one very lucky lady and hopefully you wouldn’t have to. But for those of us who have/had irregular periods, when the period decides not to come on the normally accepted 25-30 days, but instead it comes whenever it feels like without a regular pattern, then I sympathize with you and you are not alone.

Coming to this discussion, in my post on “how puberty did me wrong“, I talked about one experience of being stained in school (surrounded by a bunch of guys) and even though there are a whole lot more embarrassing stories of being stained in public ( irregular periods is not pretty), I’ll save them for next time. Instead, I want to talk about how to prepare oneself for impromptu periods. If you have ever had one of those embarrassing “public staining” experience, then I hope after reading this you wouldn’t have to.

So, how to avoid public embarrassment in relation to menstruation. In other words, must have Kit to effectively deal with impromptu menstruation.

1) The first on the list, which I’m sure a lot of you can guess is A SANITARY PAD. I would have suggested tampon, but l feel at that moment when you realize “oh boy, I think I’m on my period“, the easiest thing to do in that anxious state of mind is to put on a sanitary pad, and then (if you have a heavy flow) hurry home and deal with in the right way. So first on the list is a Sanitary pad. And the beauty about them is they can fit into even a small clutch, making them easy to carry around.

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Interview: Living with Depression and beating the odds

Interview: Living with Depression and beating the odds

This week, I had the chance to interview someone whose courage and strength I admire. This person has been suffering from depression, self-harm and is a multiple suicide attempt survivor. Yet, despite this illness, she has managed to take charge of her life, thrive and is now in her third year of medical school. Being born in Saudi and suffering from a mental illness, she shows that this illness isn’t only restricted to the west, it can happen to anyone regardless of religion or race. She prefers to stay anonymous and I respect her wishes so I’m not going to mention any names. But it was a pleasure interviewing her and I do hope this interview sheds some light on self harm and depression; and shows that you can survive and live your life despite the odds.

Tell me a bit about yourself
I am 22 turning 23 next March. I was born and raised in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA). Then I moved to Malaysia when I was seventeen for university. My brother was already there a year before me. I moved in with him and my cousin. I lived in Malaysia for three years; switched between electrical engineering and architecture throughout the three years. From there, I moved here to Sudan.

Wow, didn’t like the courses anymore?
Well, I couldn’t find myself in electronics engineering and I like to draw, so I thought I’d find myself in architecture and it wouldn’t be such a drastic change. But my dad had me change back (to engineering). I couldn’t get myself to go on with the courses so eventually, I got to transfer back to architecture.

Did your dad know you switched back to architecture?
Yeah my mum told him. At first he did mind, but there was nothing he could do really. Plus, it was my choice to make.

Yeah it is. Did you know a lot about mental health growing up?
My knowledge was of course limited and of course it still is, but I’ve always been greatly interested in that topic.

How old were you when you got diagnosed?
I was seventeen years and I was diagnosed with depression.

How did you find out?
Well, I’ve been depressed since my early teens but I never really knew what was wrong with me. And when I moved to Malaysia, it only got worse. I started self-harming and became extremely suicidal. I was very hesitant about seeing a doctor cause I was scared of my family’s reaction and how I was gonna be perceived. But a very close friend that I knew through twitter, who was (also) the only one who knew what was going on, managed to convince me to see a psychiatrist.

But how did you manage to hide the self-harm scars from people?
At first, I used to cut my legs only. When I started cutting my arms, I would do it in areas that weren’t noticeable. But after a bad incident, I had to start wearing long sleeves everywhere even at home which raised many questions from my brother and my cousin. But I always had a good answer ready.

What do you think is the relationship between depression and self harm? I mean, a lot of depressed people self harm, from your experience, why do you think it’s that?
Self harm is a way of coping with depression, or at least, it was for me. People that are depressed experience many emotions like emptiness, sadness, numbness and self hate. Expressing those emotions can be very difficult. And for some people, self mutilation is the only way they know how to do so. Read more

Finding Answers…

Finding Answers…


You want to know the truth-
Here goes;
I am not depressed
And this is not denial;
I was a wreck
I can admit that;
I am still confused,
What I believe I’m suffering from;
Different answers heard,
But no one’s hearing mine.
I had searched for years,
Trying to find the answer;
As to why I feel such anger,
And can’t stay long in a crowd;
Why I awake In the mornings grumpy,
Sad, frustrated, with no reason;
Why I feel compelled to do things,
Repeatedly in a 3 by three pattern

And then it changed from that to something,
I felt high for quite a while;
And I thought that oh this is it,
Then the down ward spiral began;
High then low but not too crazy,
So bipolar was out of the line;
But still these roller-coaster emotions,
Left me drained, needing new answers.

Then I tried the ADHD test,
For a while I believed it was right;
Childhood memories in Minor details,
Led me to confront that;
But then again, I was a happy kid-
Naive, in a bubble but still happy;
And deep down in my burdened Heart,
I knew ADHD does not fit right.

Then came the anxiety strolling,
Slowly for a while then it took me up by storm;
I was confused dazed for a moment,
As to what I was feeling, where’d it come from?
My knees shook, bones shivered;
My head bubbling- was I going mad?
Tried my best to grip the emotion,
Not knowing which emotion would lead me
To that.
The tears streamed uncontrollably-
Not slowly not steadily, but all at once;
The tap was out and they came rushing-
Barely giving me time to grasp.

And so this happened every once in a while,
Amidst the highs and lows, now rampant;
The lows left me completely fatigued,
The highs made my nights sleepless and appealing-
To do all the things needed doing in the day.
And so the cycle and symptoms changed,
I searched once again,
Now with better knowledge;
And after three years I can clearly say-
Maybe OCD, maybe anxiety.
But all of these I could manage-
The highs and lows which stayed for weeks
Is what I term being “Cyclothymic”.
I hope this time it fits right.

A poem for the Broken-

A poem for the Broken-


If you’ve been broken,
Or you’ve been bent;
Heart’s been crumpled,
Wept as you bled;
This poem’s for you,
So wipe those tears;
You’re not alone-
‘Cause now I’m here.

This place you’re at,
I’ve been there too;
Filled with hopelessness,
No reason to continue;
But I Made it out,
And so can you;
It won’t be easy,
But, we’ll make it through.

And so I pray,
To God above-
To ease your pain;
And clear the way;
And when dusk comes,
And you feel the ache,
I need you to remember-
The sun will rise again.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Going down memory lane, It’s funny how everything in my life has been in a series of phases. Heck, my life is better categorized in phases rather than age. I’ll explain:

First, it was the Zee tv phase when I was in middle school. I know most of you reading this post don’t know what I mean by ‘zee tv’, trust me, it’s a good thing that you don’t. Zee tv is an Indian soap opera channel that shows melodramatic, captivating and addictive soaps on cable. Once you start watching them, it is very hard to stop. When the weekends came and most soaps went on break, I dreamt of the characters and possible continuation.


Next came *drum rolls please* ‘the Disney phase‘. Now, this I’m sure a lot of teen girls have gone through. Though I was never a ‘color pink’ fan, I still wanted cadet Kelly and cheetah girls everything. I stayed up all night playing stardoll games and during the day, filled my siblings ear drums with worrible renditions of disney songs. I had my first celeb crush at this phase- Joe Jonas from camp rock.

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Soul beneath The Skin

Soul beneath The Skin

The more I get to know him,
The worst of him i see;
I was blinded in delusions,
Couldn’t see beneath the skin;
The ‘him’ I’m starting to see now,
The soul beneath that skin-
A disappointment, a walking time bomb,
A soul not too pretty.
How blinded I was in the past,
to not see beneath the skin;
The soul awaiting to be deciphered,
Is nothing good for me.
I guess I dodged a bullet,
waiting this long to commit-

The skin is nothing but mere flesh,
So my dears, do not be deceived.