Endings and Beginnings…

I think I’ve told this story before. When I first started this blog, I didn’t really know what to expect from it, hence the name of “Randoms by a random“. It slowly evolved into a poetry blog with the gradual addition of mental health advocacy through the series “Mental health Friday”. I always wondered how people wrote flash fictions, little did I think I would be one of those who wrote them as well, all thanks to Flash fiction for aspiring writers weekly challenge. This blog has been an adventure, filled with so many amazing people. I never would have thought I’d make the lifelong friends I made here.

With that being said, I feel it’s time for me to take a break. This was inevitable, seeing that I have been finding it hard to keep up with the blog this year. It’s not all bad though, I do have good news, but you’ll have to wait till the end to find out what it is.

I started this blog when I was in my 3rd year of medical school and I am happy to say I have finally gotten my practicing license now, Thank God. And now that I’m done with that stress, and while awaiting the next phase of my life, I’ve decided to try something different. 

Last month, I created an instagram account, where I will still be posting my poems (@ameena_kg) and for the time being, I wouldn’t be putting up any new posts on this blog. I will definitely come back, but I’ve just been finding it difficult to keep up this blog at the moment. 

Now, to the big news, I finally created a self hosted website, its called “all things Ameena”, I want to focus on that for now. I wouldn’t post there as often as I did here, as quality not quantity would be the key. It’s supposed to be a lighthearted blog, which chronicles everything Me, with a touch of humor. Do subscribe to that ( and you need not worry, I wouldn’t be blowing up your email with daily posts).

Thanks for joining me in this 4 year journey, again, this is not goodbye, this is simply a break I’m taking. I’d be back to this blog hopefully, with some interesting news. Until then, let’s connect through instagram (@ameena_kg) I’d still be posting poetry there and also, don’t forget to subscribe to the new website-  All Things ameena

Rejection-

The rejections pile up,
First The boy,
Then the emails
And now rejections, in the form
Of sealed papers,
Arrive at my doorstep.
Like I need,
A physical reminder to
“I don’t want- you, yours”.

“It’s not you, it’s me”
He said.
“Your work is great, just
Not for us”
They said.
Neither of them having
The courtesy,
The guts,
To speak the truth we both know:
“The problem is with me”.

But that’s fine.
Really, that’s okay.
I’ve done the calculation:
6 months of rejected writing,
Requires 1 week of grieving.
5 rejections,
ergo 5 weeks.
Then its back to pen and paper.

The world has told me
Too many Nos,
It has rejected me,
Too many times,
For me to reject myself.
Me myself and I,
We gon’ keep at it,
We gon’ be alright.

Begin Again-

 

At the back of my mind, I always knew that, It, this, could come to an end.

I could die,
He could die,
He could leave…
And I know this might seem a morbid thought to many. But, there has always been a spot of realism amidst my fairytale romanticism filled life.

I try to keep a little spot, save a little grey in my rainbow, in order to remind myself about the reality of life.

I refuse to live in a world filled with illusions and the delusion that endings is not a possibility.

I want to be able to say: I am okay and I am fine with endings now because I know I can always begin again.

The Love we withhold-

I kept waiting for the world to hand over to me, that which I withheld from myself. I sought for it, chased it, demanded it. That fuzzy feeling which one gets from being appreciated or loved or cherished.

I stood on tiptoes awaiting that one person who would make my world all sunny again, that one person who would make me feel like my presence is needed and my absence dreaded, that one person who would make me feel good about myself.

And what I got, was a ball of spitfire. From afar, it looked like a beautiful powerful light, just the kind to elicit the feeling of stardom, but up close… It burned. And I learnt, the world is a reflection of the image I view myself in. (I saw charred skin in the mirror, and the world gave me one).

-We cannot expect love from the world until we are willing to give that love to ourselves. And when we get to know who we are, we accept who we are, we love who we are, the world as we see it would be different.

Writer’s Poem wednesday: Arguments

Have you ever met a person who is so vehement and adamant in his argument even though he is wrong. And that’s not all, the argument does not end until you agree, what the other party is saying is right (even if it’s wrong). Well, today’s short poem by Wendy Cope touches on that topic. Whatever happened to the good old “let us agree to disagree“?!

I have been in situations, where there was an argument and I stood by my point; and after checking the facts, it turns out I was in fact wrong. I say, just silently let the argument die out or admit that you’re wrong. It is that easy.

Talking about silence, I know I have been awol this January but, I do have a reason. My Network went off since Sunday night- No calls and no internet; something to do with a national blackout. Turns out, I can survive without my phone or internet.

Long story short, it has been fixed finally- I can post, read, like, again. I will try to post a poem tomorrow, My Mental Health Friday post on Friday and a Flash Fiction story on Saturday. Below is the poem by Wendy Cope, hope you like it.

Differences of opinion by Wendy Cope

He tells her that the earth is flat–
He knows the facts, and that is that.
In altercations fierce and long
She tries her best to prove him wrong.
But he has learnt to argue well.
He calls her arguments unsound
And often asks her not to yell.
She cannot win. He stands his ground.

The planet goes on being round.

Day 2: Idea of You

The girl who spilled juice on
A mother’s newly moped floor is
In You.

The girl who sneaked dolls to
Classes because school needs
more fun is
In You.

The girl who faked stomach cramps
Joint pain, hospital visits to escape
Detention is
In You.

The girl who’s anger was at the
Tip of a button is
In You.

The girl who soaked her sheets
With emotions streaming across
Her face is
In You.

The girl who lived and loved and
Joked and took each day Without
A care is
In you.

The clumsy is in you,
The angry is in you,
The happy is in you,
The sad is in you,
-a part of you, not the
Whole picture.

You are who you know yourself
To be.
Not the idea thrown across
By anyone,
By everyone.

---

I really enjoyed doing the december poetry challenge last year. Plus, I found this really inspiring prompt called “30 layers, 30 days” which many bloggers have completed now. So, I decided to use the prompts for December.

Today’s Prompt: An idea of you

Writer’s Quote: Soul Unraveled

For this week’s Writer’s quote/poem Wednesday, I’m going to take a personal detour. We all have those people in our lives who are much more than friends and are practically family. People who waltz into our lives unexpectedly and inadvertently take up a huge space in it; well, my friend/housemate/sister recently published her first poetry collection called Soul Unraveled.

This book is a journey through Love, heartbreak, abuse, and rising above it all. It touches on aspects of life in short free verses divided into six different chapters. The poems in this collection are raw and unfiltered especially when tackling issues such as sexual assault.

Now that I’ve talked the talk, Its time to walk that talk. Below are a few poems from “Soul Unraveled“. If you like what you read, you can pick up the book which is available in e-form and hardcopy on amazon. The link is at the bottom of the post.

You can also catch up with the writer on Instagram  @ Soul Unraveled

Available on Amazon: SoulUnraveled: Rising from the ashes 

If there are any book reviewers who would be willing to review this book, please send me an email at mykahani@yahoo.com

 

Writer’s Quote: Children

Something unexpected happened today. I awoke to the news that we had a 25 hour day, yesterday and the time has shifted from +3gmt to +2 gmt. I was messed up in the head this morning when I found out.

In my 21 years, this is the first time its happened. I had to sit down for about 30 minutes to get my bearing straight. It was confusing trying to decipher if the 11 am lecture I was having today meant 11 am old time or new time.

But then again, thats one of the great things about living in a different country; you get to experience new things. I sure wouldn’t be experiencing any time changes if I was back home.

That being said (I just had to air it out), welcome to another Writer’s Quote/Poem Wednesday. I do hope the poem i’ll be sharing today doesn’t put a damper in your mood. I found it beautiful and melancholic.

Middle Age by Pat Schneider

The child you think you don’t want
is the one who will make you laugh.
She will break your heart
when she loses the sight in one eye
and tells the doctor she wants to be
an apple tree when she grows up.

It will be this child who forgives you again and again
for believing you don’t want her to be born,
for resisting the rising tide of your body,
for wishing for the red flow of her dismissal.
She will even forgive you for all the breakfasts
you failed to make exceptional.

Someday this child will sit beside you.
When you are old and too tired of war
to want to watch the evening news,
she will tell you stories
like the one about her teenaged brother,
your son, and his friends
taking her out in a canoe when she was
five years old. How they left her alone
on an island in the river
while they jumped off the railroad bridge.

Blogger Q and A

The lovely blogger at Accidentally inked nominated me for an award. I honestly don’t do them anymore, but I loved the questions she put forth. And anyway its been a long time since I did one of these so I thought, I’ll give a shot.

What’s the best thing you like about your blog?

Ohhh lets see. I actually love everything. The fiction because I never thought I could actually do one of those “flash fictions” and now, I look forward to writing them; certainly pushed me out of my comfort zone.
The poetry because writing them have been such comfort and therapy at the same time. And the writer’s quote/poem because it gives me the opportunity to share with all of you, the reason why I fell in love with poetry.

What do you tell yourself to convince yourself so that you stay positive when something bad happens?

Honestly- I try to remember that everything happens for a reason and things could have been worse.

Do you like books? If yes, what did you last read?

I Love books, but then again I am a picky reader. I tend to stick to the same kind of genres. Don’t judge me, I’ve branched out but I just don’t enjoy them and i’ld rather not read what I don’t enjoy.
I’m currently reading a book by David Baldacci- The escape. It is the 3rd book in a John Puller series.

Do you think it’s okay to be scared of cats?

Hahaha, I am one of them. Of course its not okay to be scared of cats but thats why they are called “phobias”. They are irrational fears after all. 

What do you say, lets get to know one another? I am throwing these questions to anyone/everyone who reads this:
1) Coffee or Tea
2) summer or winter
3) Vanilla or chocolate
4) crime novel or Romance novel
5) Documentary or movie

You can answer in the comments below or in a new post. Lets do this 👊🏽

 

My words-

I write for the days when the beating heart within my chest feels ripped apart. For the days when my readily accessible tears fail me (it wouldnt be the first thing to fail me).

I write for the days when my mind spins tales on purpose which perpetuate me as the villain- it is my mind but i have no control over it.

I write for the days when rejection and heartbreak; betrayal and sadness all morph into one and spring on me at once.

I write to remind myself, I am not alone. I have my words, I have my Lord. I have been failed before and I rose and wrote words.

So I write these words and save them, for the rainy day that I would need them.