Endings and Beginnings…

Endings and Beginnings…

I think I’ve told this story before. When I first started this blog, I didn’t really know what to expect from it, hence the name of “Randoms by a random“. It slowly evolved into a poetry blog with the gradual addition of mental health advocacy through the series “Mental health Friday”. I always wondered how people wrote flash fictions, little did I think I would be one of those who wrote them as well, all thanks to Flash fiction for aspiring writers weekly challenge. This blog has been an adventure, filled with so many amazing people. I never would have thought I’d make the lifelong friends I made here.

With that being said, I feel it’s time for me to take a break. This was inevitable, seeing that I have been finding it hard to keep up with the blog this year. It’s not all bad though, I do have good news, but you’ll have to wait till the end to find out what it is.

I started this blog when I was in my 3rd year of medical school and I am happy to say I have finally gotten my practicing license now, Thank God. And now that I’m done with that stress, and while awaiting the next phase of my life, I’ve decided to try something different. 

Last month, I created an instagram account, where I will still be posting my poems (@ameena_kg) and for the time being, I wouldn’t be putting up any new posts on this blog. I will definitely come back, but I’ve just been finding it difficult to keep up this blog at the moment. 

Now, to the big news, I finally created a self hosted website, its called “all things Ameena”, I want to focus on that for now. I wouldn’t post there as often as I did here, as quality not quantity would be the key. It’s supposed to be a lighthearted blog, which chronicles everything Me, with a touch of humor. Do subscribe to that ( and you need not worry, I wouldn’t be blowing up your email with daily posts).

Thanks for joining me in this 4 year journey, again, this is not goodbye, this is simply a break I’m taking. I’d be back to this blog hopefully, with some interesting news. Until then, let’s connect through instagram (@ameena_kg) I’d still be posting poetry there and also, don’t forget to subscribe to the new website-  All Things ameena

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Mental Health Friday #5

Mental Health Friday #5

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Imagine receiving a surprise invite to an amazing dinner at the most exclusive restaurant in your city. You know, one of those invite only establishments. The dinner is for the “who’s who” of the world…but somehow you received an invite. Excited about this unbelievable opportunity, you arrive to the dinner early and wearing your best attire. When you walk up to the registration table to find out your seat assignment, you are given an empty name tag.

You quickly try to give your hostess your name, but she replies “oh no, names don’t matter here.” Baffled, you scowl and wonder what type of place doesn’t take names. The hostess notices your confused scowl and says “once you put the name tag on, it will display the current state of your mind; and that’s your seat assignment.

If you had to wear the current state of your mind like a badge, what would it display? Would your badge read “depressed” or “anxious” or “elated” or something similar? Sadly, most people have never thought about this question, so the answer is likely “I have no idea.”

We have all been taught the importance of physical health, but we rarely hear about the importance of mental health. It’s almost as if we have somehow forgotten that the brain is also apart of the same body we strive to keep healthy.

Now listen, I use “we” to admit that I too am guilty of this. Depending upon which point in my life you asked me this question, my badge could read “I just came for the snacks” or “sooooooooo, you don’t have bacon”. Read more

Mental Health Friday #3

Mental Health Friday #3

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The effect of stigma on an individual’s acceptance of a diagnosis is something I find extremely important. As I noted in my last mental health Friday post, my first diagnosis came at the age of five.

At first glance, one might find it easy to stand in judgment of a mother that turns away the opinion of an expert. However, in my case, I was most likely one of the first children diagnosed with Early Onset Bipolar Disorder and at that time (1974), the term Manic Depressive was still prevalent. I can only try to imagine what the “label” would mean to my mother at that time. Something to the effect of her daughter being crazy, stupid, and/or dangerous. To look at her daughter, she knew those things were not true, but had she had a realistic view of what the disorder meant, she may not have so hurriedly pushed it aside.

the books I read, and later the internet, gave the worst case scenario as they do with most illnesses

At the age of 23, and receiving the diagnosis as an adult, I made an effort to educate myself. What I found to be the problem in seeing this in myself was that the books I read, and later the internet, gave the worst case scenario as they do with most illnesses. These things were not the case for me and so I turned it away myself, based on my oddly extreme ideas on what the diagnosis meant. Read more

Mental Health Friday: #1

Mental Health Friday: #1

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I was first diagnosed with Early Onset Bipolar Disorder when I was five years old. At that time, my mother did not accept the diagnosis and moved forward with no help. At the age of 23, after I had my first child, I was diagnosed again. I did not accept my diagnosis at that time. At the age of 31, I was once again diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, ADHD and PTSD. I accepted my diagnosis’ and went for treatment.

Through my life, there have been great losses and broken relationships due to the stigma of mental illness. It amazes me when I come to realize how destructive ignorance can be. I wish the people in my life had been educated at least enough to know that mental illness, like any physical illness, is not a choice. It is not a moral issue. It has absolutely nothing to do with values and integrity. Mental illness does not mean less than.

There is so much brilliance hidden in people who are disregarded because of a diagnosis. So much courage, fortitude, loyalty and love. The creativity is endless. Just like anyone else, we are leaders, followers, teachers, friends, sisters and brothers, sons and daughters. We are parents who love our children and children who love our parents. We are human beings.

What I would really like to see, is a way for people to appreciate the value of a person with a mental illness. Just like everyone else, we each have gifts to give the world. Great gifts and it seems such a waste to throw away such assets, based on ignorant assumptions. Over the past fifteen years, I have struggled to accept, understand and become compliant with my diagnosis. Bi-Polar to me is not a bad thing anymore. I know what it means in my life and those around me and I know what I have to do to manage it. Read more

The weight loss journey-

The weight loss journey-

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It’s not the starting that is difficult,
It’s the knowing where to stop;
When to put a brake on the pedestal,
When the time comes to change course,
On the journey of weight loss.

Not eating- ‘course is difficult,
But to start eating is worse;
Every bite becomes a battle,
Between necessity and want,
A struggle it becomes.

The thing- which once gave you joy,
Now evokes apprehension,
Should I or should I not?
When every meal time comes,
And the not would always win.

But you made it, you little fighter you,
And you’ll it make through this too;
It was okay to start, to take the road,
It’s also okay to change course.
It is a journey after all.

Once upon a Journey-

Once upon a Journey-

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I once met a girl on a journey,
She told me she was tired.
This world had broken her will to live,
Long sleep- was what she desired.

12 year old, me could not understand,
Why sleep with so much to wake for?
The stars in itself kept me up at night,
In awe of their beauty and creation.

I was a kid, and she was a kid,
Two beings with different experience,
She wanted to sleep,
My own days were too short-
Our route had no intersection.

I once met a girl on a journey,
And she told me she was tired,
Now I wonder if maybe I’d shown her my life,
Her skies might be a bit clearer.

Years have gone by, since my encounter
And I hope her grey clouds have departed;
There’s a twinge in my heart,
When I think of the past,
And there was little I did to help her.

The beautiful image above is courtesy of This Site

All that I’m not-

All that I’m not-

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I know-
I am not radiant like the sun,
Nor startling like lighting,
eye catching like a rainbow,
Loud and proud like the thunder.

I’m just a girl
Who’s taken too long to realise,
everything she needs,
she’s had within her,
Right from the start,
To surf through life’s storms,
And emerge at the finish line,
A victor? Maybe not.
But it’s the journey Which matters-
right?

I know all I am not,
And pointing just those facts to me,
Simply proves,
You are one of them,
whom-
I do not want.

Chasing Love…

Chasing Love…

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I think, the more you chase love, the more it gains energy and eludes you. The more you want it, the more it runs off. Love becomes this person who seems to enjoy the thrill of the chase more so than being caught; its mastered the art of evasion and just when you think, maybe, this is it- love has a way of getting one over you, it does so skillfully, taking with it pieces of you and leaving several irregular gaping holes.

And despite, despite the tumultuous ride and the many bumps on the road, we still chase love. We still get on the ride, despite knowing we may be left with even less pieces of ourselves than when we started. What does that say about love? What does that say about us? That we need it, maybe not as much as the oxygen we breathe, but still, as a necessity if we want to “live” not simply “exist”. And sometimes, this love that we’re chasing, isn’t hiding out with someone else; sometimes, this love is within ourselves and we’re simply driving through the wrong paths. I mean, how else can we fill the hole in someone else’s heart when ours is half filled yearning for us to fill it. And maybe, these are the lessons that love teaches us through its eventful journey.

The above image is courtesy of OrdinaryGirl

Writer’s Quote: Maya Angelou

Writer’s Quote: Maya Angelou

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Whenever I post a Maya Angelou quote, I don’t like writing much under it because her words are sufficient and have such profound wisdom in them, I feel anything I write would be subliminal. It’s been over a year since Dr. Maya passed away but her words live on as a source of inspiration and that’s the strength of writing. Her poems are a testament of a woman who went through fierce storms but didn’t let them cloud the shine in her rainbow. You read her works like, phenomenal woman and Still I rise and you can almost hear the sass in her voice as you sift through the words, savoring every sentence, every line, every verse.

I chose the above quote because it’s a reminder of something we are in desperate need of, all across the globe. We are in dire need of peace, but in order to attain it, we have to be unified; we have to be color blind; we have to realize we are more alike than we are unalike.

We’ve all got our struggles and just because they are different doesn’t make them any less of a torment than any other persons. I read recently about the importance of writers support groups. There are days as writers where we’ll feel like “we just can’t do it anymore”. You know who’s going to be there in our corners, pushing us on, those writers who have once sailed across the turbulence. They’ve been there and crossed it, it wasn’t easy but they did it. They are the ones who’d help paddle our boats across the storms, being our support systems when our creative juices clog.

A big thank you to everyone who has participated in writer’s Quote this year and has been a source of inspiration to me and also to Colleen from SilverThreading, for hosting this event In the first place. That’s it, and see you in 2016, God willing.

Endings & Beginnings

Endings & Beginnings

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I started with poetry,
And ended with prose;
Started with you-
Ended alone.

I started with a diary,
And ended with words-
Filling up pages,
Of fiction genre.

I started with bullet holes,
Now ending with cracks;
Mended by friends,
I didn’t think I’d have.

I started from somewhere,
And ending elsewhere;
What went on in between –
Is another story to tell.

But I started, I started,
Trudged through life’s mud;
Cause endings are much better,
Than where the story begins.

the above is courtesy of Marc and Angel