Agoraphobia-

Agoraphobia-

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He looks like someone,
Who has seen enough of life
To know,
It is not all hunky dory;
There is no pot of gold,
At the end of the journey.

He stands ramrod straight,
slouching,
Only to give a penny,
To the old lady on the street.
A man who is more than,
What the world sees of him.
But I do… see it.

After all,
What else does a home bound,
Fear stricken, panic roped,
Woman got to do but watch.

And I watch the man across the street
Whose smile, is like a warrior
Out of a horrific battle,
Happy yet knowing-
As bad as it was,
Even worse things lay out there.

And he fades around the corner,
Into the unknown….
I look around my walls,
Imprisoned by irrational fear,
Restricted to my limited knowings.

 

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Another day-

Another day-

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The stars are out,
A bedazzled sight;
The men are in,
The doors are shut;
        A blast is heard,
        In the distant- loud;
Another death,
Its time to mourn.

The sun is out,
The clouds at bay;
The tree leaves sway,
In a sorrowful trance;
        The streets are filled,
        The corpses-lifted;
A scene too common,
The people mourn.

The moon is out,
No stars tonight;
The kids are shut,
There’s little sound;
         The women pray,
         The husbands await;
Will this be the day,
Their corpses are lifted.

The sun is out;
The clouds at bay,
Another day…

The above image was gotten fromTHE MIDDLE eastern magazine

facebook page: Words of a random

If you dare-

If you dare-

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You can start this very moment,
To make this life your own,
Erase the dusted part of you,
So you can create your home
There’d be cobwebs,
There’d be to roaches,
There’d be traps to hold you back,
In the form of,
Hurtful memories,
Screaming- this, here, is your life.

But honey,
This can’t be your life,
A life that’s riddled in despair,
Where sadness has no comfort,
And love has turned wingless,
So sweep off all those places,
Where the past keeps hiding in,
Then use those wings,
You know you have,
And soar out and be free.

For there’s more to life,
You will find-
Once you dare to take the risk.

The above image is courtesy of Pinterest/Hexdragon.com

On being lonely-

On being lonely-

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And she said, I’m going to be lonely,
There’s no one that can handle my tides;
She was echoing the words of her family,
Who’d imprinted in her- she’s too wild.

She had silenced the sound of her laughter,
And glided with- the sway of her hips;
She smiled without showing her fine teeth,
And chewed with her lips tightly sealed.

She dressed with the label- appealing,
For the family approved of it;
And it was only under the night’s Blanket,
She found the glimmer to be real.

Who’s to say that you’re going to be Lonely,
When your fate has been crafted and sealed;
It’s been written by the best of writers
And he’s designed you to be unique.

The above image is courtesy of Chakra centre.org

Brave

Brave

A beautifully written piece by a dear friend of mine on Bravery. Bravery means so many different things to so many people…. Here’s to wearing our bravery crown and strutting like we know what we’re doing.

Nuggets of Gold

What is being brave? It can be so many different things for different people. Being brave for a 5 year old can be jumping off the diving board! Or can be trying to pull the teacher in with you. Yeah, I kinda didn’t make it through swim lessons! But I did eventually learn how to swim, tho please don’t count on me to save you!

Bravery is the child who stands up for the one  that is being picked on. The teen who chooses to go eat lunch with the lonely teen sitting by themselves in a corner of the cafeteria.

Bravery is standing for the truth, even when others may be against you. Its speaking out against injustice, when the roar of the crowd is deafening against you. It is facing your fears and unveiling things you have held inside. You are stepping out  in order to help yourself…

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On Life-

On Life-

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You say I haven’t seen life,
But I’ve seen and heard it clear

The loneliness we experience,
Embedded in its “L”

The impact of words of ignorant,
Hidden from all in “I”

The fear of future holding us,
Tied up in letter “F”

And in “E” are the experiences,
Which haunt our memories.

You see, though I’m not wrinkled,
And got years till grey hairs;

I’ve seen life through my lenses,
Cause everyone’s view differs.

The above Image is courtesy of Favim.com

Haunted…

Haunted…

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She knows what it’s like,
To be terrified
Of the face looking back,
To want to run,
But there’s no where to hide;
The world too small,
To keep them at bay,
The haunting thoughts…
She knows what it’s like,
To put in words,
Feelings you can’t decipher;
To write down rhymes,
At dusk with the moon
Illuminating
The tears streaming down.

She knows what it’s like,
To shrivel back,
At the touch of a hand;
To build a wall,
Around one’s brokenness;
To live a life,
Barely surviving;
She knows what’s it’s like,
To feel alone,
With a crowd all around;
To search for hope,
At the Brink of desperation
And that’s the reason,
She won’t let you go.
She knows what’s it’s like
And vows you won’t,
have to surf it alone.

the above image is courtesy of Juniorgman.tumblr

Mental Health Friday #14

Mental Health Friday #14

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Today’s MHF is a continuation of Trae’s journey with Bipolar disorder. Up until now, we’ve seen her deal with her mother passing away, the negative effects of anti-psychotics and her relapse with addiction. We ended last time with Trae getting back her life, following her entry into an Alcoholics Anonymous group.

I left off in my story at a time when we had just moved into an apartment in a new town. I had started to go to A.A. meetings and met my new sponsor. At the same time, as soon as we moved into that apartment I started to talk to my ex-husband about my leaving. We had gone for coffee every week or so to talk outside of the house and we argued a lot over this. I told him my reasons for leaving many times over and I also told him I didn’t believe things would change. I told him I believed the only reason he was being so nice to me was because he had nothing and no one else at that moment, but as soon as he picked himself up again, which he would, he would forget I existed the way he always did. My ex-husband did put in effort, but as I told him, I did not believe things would really change.

At the same time, I was going to meetings and on commitments with my sponsor. I met the other active members of the group, one of which was John. I did not know him very well, but when he spoke at commitments and meetings, I listened. My respect and admiration for him grew.

During the winter of 2011-2012, I spent my spare time working very intensely on my fourth step. (Step Four, Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.) I do believe what that did for me was far beyond it’s intended purpose of helping me to see what my characters defects are, why I do the things I do and how to change them. It also helped me to see that I was not so bad as I was made out to be. I listed everything I had done wrong to hurt another person in my life and what I saw was that I was not such a bad person, as a matter of fact I was a pretty good person. The fact that I have bi-polar disorder, ADHD and PTSD had nothing to do with what kind of person I was. This of course caused me to look harder at the people that had treated me as though I were some kind of problem. Clearly, I was not their problem. Clearly, I did not deserve to be hurt anymore.

It was in the spring that I did my fifth step, outside on a cool day with my sponsor. (Step Five. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.) We sat together and went over everything. She then brought me to her house and left me to sit alone and do steps Six and Seven. (Step Six, Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Step Seven, Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.

That day I felt a freedom that I have never known. All of the fears I had fell away. I knew I was ready to begin my life again and I was so happy I went home and told my ex-husband in a card that I was ready to move on. The problem seemed to be that the next morning when I woke up, I realized that yes, I was ready to move on, but not there. Read more

All that matters-

All that matters-

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Born on September
The fifth,
In the midst of a turmoil,
Family crisis;
And there you were-
Yellow eyes
Pale skin
Labelled “jaundice”;
I cradled your frail body
In my arms,
In my weary arms
Weary from the day’s trials;
You burped- I smiled
And that was it,
I had found my sunbeam.

And today-
To think you’d have been,
A past tense;
Engulfed
In flames dancing wildly;
Narrow escape,
They say;
Almost-
Almost didn’t make it;
But you did,
And that’s all that matters;
You’re still here-
That is all that matters.