I just recently read an article on Jezebel titled “A Toast to All the Brave Kids Who Broke Up with Their Toxic Moms” which really hit home for me. I know this isn’t like my typical happy, upbeat posts; but it’s something I’ve dealt with since I can remember and I know I’m not alone.
I love my Mother to the end of this Earth, that will never change. But it’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. Growing up, my sisters and I have had to deal with what the article referred to as a “broken woman”. Many terrible things have happened to my Mother, which I won’t go into detail about. But the most impactful was the loss of my brother when he was 2 (in ’89). I hadn’t been born yet, in fact my mother hadn’t even met my Father yet (my two sisters and brother have a different Father). I’ve always wished I was alive to meet my brother, but at the same time I’m not sure how I would have handled his death. My Mom’s addiction developed shortly after.
In the late 90’s, she started attending a methadone clinic to attempt getting off the drugs she was abusing. If you’re not familiar with methadone, it’s a medication usually used to relieve severe pain. But it’s also used to prevent withdrawal symptoms in people who are addicted to opiates. Little did everyone know that this would be a new addiction in itself.
Obviously I was never told anything about this when I was younger, but I remember being able to notice some of the side effects of the methadone. The most noticeable being extreme drowsiness. I can remember around the ages of 7-10 I would go to her house every Friday to stay for the weekend. I’d be sitting with her at the kitchen table trying to tell her all the things I did in school that day and she’d be hunched over, passed out. I didn’t think too much of it as a child, I just thought “Oh, Mommy’s really tired”. However, I did think it was strange that she would start to fall asleep immediately after I would shake her and wake her up. It got progressively worse as I got older. When I was around 12, my grandfather passed away (my Mother’s Father). We all loved him very much, but my Mother especially. She fell into an even deeper depression after this and along with being extremely tired from the methadone, she never got out of bed, she was barely eating, and just didn’t take care of herself in general.
I have limited memories of actually doing things and spending quality time with her. Instead, I watched her wither away from being a beautiful, energetic woman to a lifeless shell of that woman. I was always so envious of other girls my age growing up who had good relationships with their Mothers. In my early teens, I sort of resented her for choosing a life of drugs over the possible relationships she could have had with her three girls. As an adult now, I just had to accept that she is so lost in her own depression and addiction, that she doesn’t even realize what she’s sacrificed. Those childhood years are something that we won’t get back, and neither will she. I don’t hate her, I don’t think I ever could. I’m just disappointed in a way.
Anyone who has a family member or friend who is an addict, I can relate. You want to help them so badly to create a better life for themselves. You want them to realize that drugs aren’t an acceptable coping mechanism for their problems, that there are other options. But like I said before, you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. They have to want it for themselves. You can’t sacrifice your own happiness and wear yourself down in hopes of “fixing” them. As painful as it is, you have to let it be if they are not willing to change. All you can do is create a better future for yourself. I know I have the power to be the Mother that mine wasn’t, for my own children in the future.
This week’s story was sent in by Amber who blogs at What Makes Me Amber.wordpress.com where she blogs about health, wellness, (yummy) recipes and Life in general.
If you’d love to contribute and share your story on Mental health Friday, I’ld love to have you. Let’s join hands to talk about Mental illness and blur out the stigma associated with it. You can contact me on My email address: mykahani@yahoo.com . For more information, visit this post.
IMAGE CREDIT: HealthyPlace.com.
Her story really moved me. .I hope Allah Almighty fills her life with the best. Mental illness could be dealt with being closer to GOD because dilon ko sakon sirf Allah k zikr say hota hai.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ameen dear. True that. ❤❤
LikeLike
Speechless tbh… this is so painful. Hope Allah bless her with strength
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wow – parts of this post definitely resonate with me. Thank you for posting!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you. I am glad you could relate to this. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for featuring my story, Ameena. I greatly appreciate it.
LikeLiked by 3 people
The pleasure is mine Amber. Thanks for letting me share it. ☺
LikeLiked by 1 person
Written with so much love and understanding. You’re so brave and honest. I know that isn’t easy.
Ellespeth
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to ready my story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Moving story of having to deal with a parent destroyed by addiction. I really relate although my mum’s addiction was love. http://bit.ly/1ER5cLY
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you. Now that is one favorable addiction. we all could do with love 💕
LikeLike
Very touching. I can relate to q lot of what you said, although I’m still stuck in a domestic abuse situation with my mother. I know what she does is abuse, but I also see how she couldn’t possible like herself deep down despite her narcissistic personality.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It takes great courage and strength to accept that people do what they do. I am glad you could relate to this, that’s exactly the whole point, to get us talking and support each other ❤❤
LikeLike
I broke up with my mom and couldnt be happier
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’d never an easy thing to do. And I am glad that you found happiness after it. ❤❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are so many people out there who are addicted to pain medications that it makes me wary of ever taking them. Such a terrible effect on the person and everyone who loves them. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Amber.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for reading and responding, Sue. I couldn’t agree more.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m truly sorry for the memories that you have of your mom instead of happy and loving ones that you wished for. Mental illness is truly sad and you are right. You cannot help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. You turned out wonderful Ameena!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We need to want to be helped, it can’t be forced upon us. Thank you for reading Pj.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is very true Ameena.
LikeLike
That was very touching it’s very sad when tragic events ruin more than one life. I have always admired people who have mangaeg to carry on with life after tragedy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It really is sad. It takes strength to carry on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Touching story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so touched with this story Ameena. It made me realise that we are blessed we are to have a happy healthy family. I wish such addictions can be cured and the patients can live a happy healthy lives with their families. .
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amber is my inspiration for the week.
You are a strong kind person. I am sure it took a lot of pain and tears. But I am happy you found your happy place and are taking about it.
Thank you ameena for posting and sharing God bless you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is amazing! Her courage to share it is indeed inspiring.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can relate to this- thank you for your courage in sharing 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello there, thanks for taking the time to read it ☺
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, my pleasure:))
LikeLiked by 1 person
You can delete this message after reading it. I don’t know how else to reach you. A month or so ago, I believe you asked if I had a story for your Friday Feature. If I am correct about that, and you are still interested, can you send me your e-mail and I will send you my story. If I am mistaken, please excuse my faulty memory!!!! 🙂
LikeLike
Yes. Thank you for contacting me. Here Is my email: mykahani@yahoo.com
Haha. It’s alright.:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will send you the blog post in an e-mail. If you don’t like it, let me know and I will write you a different one. Thank you so much! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Will be expecting it.
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing. This was a very powerful post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Breaking up with my dad has left me with less anxiety. In fact, it’s his birthday today and I don’t think I am going to write him since he has chosen not to talk to me. you can check out my post here: https://kadynomlid.wordpress.com/2017/12/14/my-dad-and-i-dont-talk/
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so sorry to hear that. I will check it out. Thanks for leaving me the link
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, for sharing your story. If it wasn’t for family dysfunction, where would we be today, right? It is awful how families keep secrets within the family unit, other than people outside the home. I didn’t know that my grandmother suffered from mental illness until I was at my breaking point.
Compelling story.
I haven’t forgotten to write you on your yahoo email. I promise I will get to it no later than Sunday. Thanks, Sweetie!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is absolutely alright Beckie. And i know what you are talking about. A lot of mental illness have to do with genetic predisposition which increases the risk of family members getting mental illness. And the secrecy does more harm than good a lot of the time
LikeLiked by 1 person
It most certainly does. I wish I had known earlier in life, because I could have avoided the disaster that unfolded for me.
However, one aspect of the positive in it was… Here I am now, striving to become an author someday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So moving… I can just pray for those who suffer.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much Shivangi… you prayer is very much appreciated 💞
LikeLiked by 1 person
You should listen to “Save My Soul”, a song by Jojo about addiction. If you do, let me know what you think!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow…but you’re right…you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. But if then how’d you cope through that truth?
LikeLike
A great blog. You’ll find some like minded people over here. Good luck. https://mindpalaver.com/
LikeLike
this is beautifully written. so moving!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for reading. I appreciate it 😄
LikeLike
I’m sorry you had to go through this. My mom is exactly the same, still to this day. Very heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing and making me feel less alone.
LikeLike
Hi Carrie. Thank you so much for reading this and leaving a comment. I’m sorry to hear you had to go through this too. Take care of yourself.
Do you think you and your mum could ever have a better relationship?
LikeLiked by 1 person
No problem! I get grateful knowing other people can relate in these unfortunate situations ya know but I just broke my codependency on her this year. I had held on hoping she will change or get help but due to her drugs, she developed borderline personality disorder and it’s exhausted me mentally because she’s angry and spiteful so in a long way of answering your question lol no I’ll always love and respect her though
LikeLike
Powerful and very moving❤️
LikeLike
So powerful, thank you for sharing your story!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much! 😄
LikeLike