Fix you-

Fix you-

by Ameena k.g

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How do you fix a person,
Who’s determined,
This life is a cell;
How do you heal someone,
Who’s wound,
Hurting- is their only solace;
How do you reassure a heart-
To feel,
To break,
Is but to be alive;
Can you?
Can you?
Convince a person,
Who’s determined
The world isn’t theirs to live.

The above Image is courtesy of Picturesquotes.com

37 thoughts on “Fix you-”

  1. I would suggest that a decisive “No” is the answer. What you can do, however, is show them alternatives; suggestion different views; broaden their perspectives on life. What you can do is give them the “tools” so that they may perhaps start making different decisions about their world. What you can do is be their friend, and take all the responsibilities that go with the position. What you can do is be a perfectly normal, compassionate and understanding human(e) being.

    In summary, you cannot “fix” people. You can however help them to “fix” themselves.

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  4. I lean to conlinandray’s viewpoint also. No one can “fix” another. The whole of history proves that. What I have done, and must continue to do, is detach from that person’s emotional baggage but be there, always and faithfully to take care of immediate, personal needs and never, ever, utter a word of complaint or hint at a better way to approach life or do things. This difficult person I speak of is important to me as a human being, and as a constant reminder that I can be a better person as how I compassionately relate to another. As much as I do not like the concept, yes, this is a life lesson, a very big one. I used to believe that if I could fix someone, then that “problem” would be resolved and “I” could then go on with my own life without guilt, in fact feeling good about it. This, however, is a commitment and “I” have to change my life to fit the lesson. The only option, which is no longer one for me, would be to walk away and abdicate my responsibilities. I know I could never do that now. Regrets? None. 🙂

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    1. It is interesting to note that so many personal issues are rooted on poor/low self esteem. If I tell “you” what to do, the end result can make me look like an idiot, or a genius, depending on the outcome…. neither of which serves any long term benefit to “you”. Conversely however, if I offer “you” a number of suggestions to think about (and perhaps steer “you” in a specific direction, then ultimately it becomes your decision. If I have suggested intelligently, then the success of “your” decision will boost “your” self esteem. 🙂

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      1. I think what you say would work in a clinical environment where the recipient came to “you” of his own free will to seek advice. It is different in the open world where one has no (or should strive not to have) authority over another. Here one “does” and one “waits” without comment. Patience, humility, compassion: the stance of the servant. The “needy” one has little choice until he/she discovers those within, but the one who is there to provide support has choices. The servant here is the one with all the power and that power can kill. So, no suggestions, no guidance, just silent example. In your example, the servant remains in charge. In mine, the servant chooses not to take charge, giving all the freedom and leaving all responsibility for action to the other. All over this planet we see examples of massive corruption in using power and we, as individuals, are being called back to an old concept called the life of service – a detached and selfless way that serves others through detachment from need to see results or even an ending to a difficult situation. Old literature extolled such a virtuous approach to life but our violent industry and technology has all but eradicated it from people’s minds. In the wake of the downfall of this society some will recall those “virtues” and begin to put them in practice. Much later, they will bear fruit. That is my dream and it’s my “difficult” friend who reminds me daily of this possibility. I appreciate your comments nevertheless and no intent to “diss” them. Just providing a different window into the issue.

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      2. I think that we are going to have to agree to disagree here. If I have a close friend who is in a negative spiral because he/she is so involved with the issues that they cannot think clearly, I believe it is my responsibility to suggest (very important word …. suggest), that they could consider certain alternatives.

        I am not going to touch your digression to power and corruption because that is a complex subject on its own however, in the context of a friend who is “drowning in issues”, my experience in both public and private situations is that they are looking for direction. This is so often masked by presenting circumstances which are possibly irrelevant to the “real” issues.

        If you have any professional education in crisis management, you will know that the majority of people who attempt suicide are not trying to kill themselves. It is simply a cry for attention. To do nothing in that situation is often fatal as, from their perspective, you could have been their final rejection.

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      3. Yes, we will have to agree to disagree. The old saw that people committing suicide are looking for attention is simply false. As a suicide survival, and who lost a mother to suicide when she was forty six years old and in the constant “CARE” of clinical drug pushers and electro-shock therapists, I can assure you that neither she, nor I, were looking for attention, just a way out. I found mine, as far away from the white-robed priesthood of “clinologists” as one can get, and she did not find hers because she stayed in the system, another guinea pig sacrificed to Big Pharma and technology in need of testing. I was speaking of a much more holistic approach to pain and suffering, one where the sufferer and the empath join together in a place no medical “science” can ever understand, a place it must deny exists. We heal others by healing ourselves, and if the “other” does choose suicide, that too is a sacred choice, one I have no right to interfere with. And that isn’t the end of the journey: life does not end with the termination of a physical body. Just to clarify the issue, my survival did not come from clinical or medical intervention but from a much more reliable source-and I don’t mean some god, or religion either.

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      4. This will my final comment because you are giving the impression that you have all the answers – that the whole medical profession is incompetent – that years of research is irrelevant. That is quite simply a very naive and dangerous arrogance. Sadly, some of the medical profession also display those traits …. but most do not. It was a pleasure to exchange thoughts, but clearly no purpose would be served by continuing. Take care.

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  8. It’s a difficult question Ameena. The main thing I would say is you just have to be there for them whenever they need. Help them to want to live, to see that there is more to life than pain. Help them to see the good in life and people. It makes me think of a Tegan and Sara Song that I first heard on the beginning of Grey’s Anatomy. One of the first times Derek and Meredith had a big fight when Addison returned. It’s called “Fix You Up,” and on that same CD is also Mer and Christina’s fav dance song “Where Does The Good Go.” Music is often great therapy too!

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    1. I remember the lyrics of “where does the good go”. Your answer is perfect Mandi. Sometimes, truly all we can do is lead people towards the right direction and trust they follow through.

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      1. Hey Ameena I found the song and the exact episode of Grey’s it’s on or rather the clip when. The song plays. Brings back Grey’s memories and makes me sad lol.

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  12. this is beautiful…and as for my opinion…i once read somewhere that others can pick up the pieces of your broken heart, but you have to glue them together yourself….you can teach them to love themselves, show them the other side of life but ultimately the choice is theirs

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  15. This brings tears to my eyes for it is so true! As Colin said we can make suggestions to people,and as you said, be there for them, etc. but ultimately the choice is theirs, we don’t have the power to fix God is the one in the business of mending broken hearts and we can stand beside the person and help them through as HE does HIS work, but once again they need to be willing. Great poem!

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