“When I moved into my new room at the sober women’s house on July 2, 2012, I was mandated to attend thirty A.A. meetings in thirty days, without exception. It had already begun that people in the program were treating me differently although I did not know why at the time. I felt uncomfortable going to the meetings, in addition to the fact that being forced to go made it difficult with my defiance issues. I have never been in a detox or any other facility where I was told what to do. John went to the meetings with me and I now found it very difficult to sit through the hour meeting now that it was mandated as opposed to being my own choice.”
The above is an excerpt from my last post here.
During the next couple of months, my mind was a whirlwind. It was overwhelming to feel free and on my own. I spent a lot of time talking to my friend Kay at the sober house and talking with John. As I mentioned, he went to the thirty meetings in thirty days with me. To get a slip signed saying I was there, I had to sit through the entire meeting.
One evening, we were at a meeting and I was having an extremely hard time sitting still. At break time, I was about to walk away and give it up when a man I had never met before came outside and sat with me. His name was also John and he talked to me and gave me the hope I needed to go back in. If not for this man who at the time had thirty days of sobriety, I would have walked away at that moment. I thank him for that.
A few days after I had moved out, my ex-husband told me that he was going to have to cancel my health insurance, but that he would wait until I had gotten my own. I knew he was not going to wait. I made the decision to wean myself off of my meds before my ins. was cancelled. It took two months for me to do this. On Aug 29, 2012, my then husband called to tell me that my insurance would be cancelled the next day. If I had not weaned myself off of the medications, I would have ended up in the hospital.
Going to my home group of A.A. became miserable for me. Some people in my group would not look at me and the ones who did insulted me. I didn’t know this at the start, but my ex-husband was telling people that I was manic and out of control. He was also telling people about my eating and sleeping issues. Every Friday, when I went to my home group, I was questioned on my weight. I had been 170 pounds, 40 pounds overweight, due to bloating from the medications and when I stopped them, the bloating had gone away and it was very noticeable. At first people told me I looked good, but one week they simply started to say I was too skinny, that I looked sick. They wanted to know if I was eating and sleeping. I do not go to A.A. meetings for eating.
There was a woman, I always sat next to in my home group and she started to take rides from my ex-husband to meetings; that was when the harassment over my weight started. I could not find anyone that would take me to a meeting other than John, but they felt they had the right to question me on everything else. It made no sense to me. The same people that told me I could not stay sober alone, they would not help me.
Two of my friends told me that my ex-husband found their number on my phone bill and he called them, telling them that I was crazy and manic. Thank you to the two people in the world that were honest about why I was being treated this way.
When I came home from a meeting one evening, my ex-husband was sitting in the park across the street from my house watching. He called on my cell phone and told me to come there, which I did. We sat and he berated me for an hour at which time I walked away from him.
Soon after, I found that someone had been in my truck. The window lock was broken and things had been moved around. Over a couple of weeks I noticed things like the air conditioner being changed to heat to let me know someone was there. Also, my seat being moved. Nothing was stolen out of the truck so I thought maybe it was my imagination. It wasn’t. On the way to my therapist’s office one day, I stopped at my God mother’s house and when I went to leave her house, I had locked the keys in the truck. My God father called the fire department and they came to open it for me. They wanted to see the registration for the vehicle, and when I checked, it was gone. Someone had taken it out of the truck, along with my spare key which I had in my pocket book.
I was frightened and I knew that even though my husband had promised to put the truck in my name, he wasn’t going to. I went to my therapists office and told him what was going on. I did not want to drive the truck and my therapist agreed. I called my ex-husband and told him to go get it. He sold it shortly thereafter.
It was in August that John asked me to go out with him and I said yes. I told my ex-husband the next day and he was very angry. After I went home, I got a text from my youngest son. It said that I wasn’t his mother anymore, not to come looking for him. I thought he was going to run away, but he said no, that he just hated me. I called my ex-husband and said “What did you say to him?” He told me that he told my boys I had been in an affair for a year before I left. I had just started this relationship and I of course screamed at him. I talked to my son that day and he said that his father had only said that out of anger and he didn’t mean it. My son told me he believed me that wasn’t true. My son lied to me. He did not believe me. Neither of my sons did.
I don’t know what else that man has said to my sons. My oldest shut me out completely without warning and my youngest lied to me and manipulated me until I had signed papers for his father saying I wanted nothing from him. These papers were not notarized, but it does not matter. I talked to my son once after this and then when I tried to text him, or call him I was told the number had been changed. That happened in June of 2013, it was over a period of some time.
No one that I talked to seemed to care that I was losing my children. People that I was not close to at all were asking me about me medications. It was none of their business. My sisters pressed me about my medications, but even they didn’t seem to care about my losing my boys.
One of my best friends refused my phone calls and texts, while my ex-husband called me on the phone and screamed at me for refusing to talk to her. He would also call me and ask me questions about my meetings attendance. People in the program were telling him how many meetings I go to, who I go with, even where I sat. Worse, they treated me like I was the one attacking him. I never asked questions about him, or said anything about him, but no one cared what I said.
I celebrated my four year anniversary at my home group and not one of my group members congratulated me, nor did they sign my card. I finally stopped going to that group.
At this point, I had no vehicle and very little money. When I told my husband I had gotten into a relationship, he stopped giving me the money from my disability check, as he had still been my payee for the last check I had gotten. Now, it was a couple of weeks before I had any money at all. It was hard and I remember sitting on the front porch of the apartment thinking and wondering what I was going to do. It seemed as if all the doors were closing on me. I felt as though I were standing in a box and the box kept getting smaller. Every time I felt ok, something happened that would knock me around again. To be continued..
Guest Writer: Trae from (TripleClicka.com). I’m honored to have Trae who’s been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, participate, help spread mental health awareness and blur out stigma by sharing her story, here on Mental Health Friday. She’d be back in two weeks.
If you’d like to contribute and share your story on Mental health Friday, I’ld love to have you. You can contact me on My email address: email@example.com . Image credit: HealthyPlace.com