Sometimes, it feels being sensitive is a curse. You feel things- deeply, a little too deeply. It hurts, you need your heart to bleed but it doesn’t, you need the tears to fall but they won’t. And you stare- blank- at a wall, at mother nature, the earth, the skies, crying inwardly.
Your chest- it rises and falls and rises and falls. You feel the steady beat of your heart, in a regular rhythm. You take one look around and wonder. Where did I go wrong. Where did we go wrong.
You want to help. You stand up- take a walk on short steps to nowhere. Pondering all the while. Needing to blame somebody, yourself. And you wonder… You just keep wondering. What if it was me? And you wish all the pain they going through could be brought to you so that they could be free.
And the tears still wouldn’t come. You get back, sit down… Force your head, your mind, coerce it into falling asleep. It’s morning. The rays of the sun light up the room. It’s there, in your head again. It never left- the thought, the worry.
No… No, not this time. Morning has come and it’s a new dawn. You wash and say your morning prayer. Sitting on the carpet with hands raised- you pray. You pray for the soul of the ones in pain with burdens they don’t think they can handle. You pray for the minds to be at ease, you pray for despair to depart their being.
And it clicks, just like that- it clicks. And you remember, the one who created the skin from dust- He knows. He sees and He hears. It could have been you but it wasn’t because that was their test not yours. But you’re not free and you know it, you know your test is great too. You have an obligation to love and love and care for them- which is a great test indeed. Some people, they don’t need to be told “I’m going to save you”, all they need is a little “I love you”, “I’ll be there for you”
And there and then, you make a new resolution. To try your best to be there for them. And if they don’t make it… Nah, it’s not time to worry yet and you know it, deep down you know it. You let that feeling take over, you pick up the broken pieces in you, forget about you- and go, selflessly, to help that broken soul. It’s not time to worry… Not today.
The beautiful street image above is courtesy of Rufus Mangrove who blogs at Everyday Aperture