Flash fiction: Blackouts 6

Flash fiction: Blackouts 6


On the outside, No 18, Murray street resembled any typical suburban house with outside porch and orange colored walls surrounded by well-gardened plants. The dream-catchers in the porch gave it a more homely look. On the inside, lived a disturbed being whose goal was making the life of one woman a living hell.

Scruffy brunette hair with rectangular glasses sitting on his nose bridge; a mustache and barely grown goatee completed the eccentric look. He was known simply as H.
H stared at three screens sitting in front of him as he contemplated which to focus his attention on. Finally, a clown face appeared on one screen and his gaze turned towards it, in time to see Allison drop a vase out of fright. He grinned, anything that makes Allison cringe was music to his ears.

H’s attention turned to another screen which displayed a number sequence. He pressed the enter button and a message indicating  $50,000 money transaction appeared. His pulse raced and his lips curved upward.

                     Let the games begin.

Word count: 172. This week’s response to Flash Fiction for aspiring Writers photo prompt challenge. Thank you PJ and Dawn MILLER for this wonderful picture. Here are: part1 part2 part3 part4 part5

     Question: do you think the arrangement of the paragraphs would work better if the 2nd paragraph (on the outside..) was first and the first paragraph, second? Thanks

27 thoughts on “Flash fiction: Blackouts 6

  1. Ohhh, let the games begin – very intriguing. I think starting with “On the outside” makes it sound like an ordinary house (and all is well) and then you read further on to find out that there’s actually a twisted guy living there making one woman’s life hell…works better, and then that last sentence leads onto the next paragraph where you describe H.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s