Day 4: serially Lost

Day 4: serially Lost

She picks up the phome, ‘mama, I need help’ ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me’

She was trembling, shaking, barely getting the words out. Okay, I was trembling and shaking barely getting the words out. The tears were streaming out, my nose was clogged, and my head was spinning. I knew I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t handle it. There is only so much a teenage soul can take. Teenage soul, or rather an adult soul, I was turning 18 that day.

For almost a week, I could barely hold myself together. A week of hell on earth. The only person I trusted enough was over a thousand miles away from me, my mother. I didn’t know what was happening. I wake up in the morning feeling good and then slip into the depressive cycle. I was way behind In school- I stopped going to school. Nothing felt right anymore. I could barely eat, I was losing weight ( which at the time I thought was the only good thing, to become slim again).

“Baby, breathe” …
Stop crying and explain to me, what’s going on?”
Mama, I don’t know”, I managed to say amid the sniffs

How do I explain to her, I feel like my head is about to explode, my body is trembling and I can’t stop crying. It’s been a week, I can’t stop! I can’t read, I can barely function properly. I get tired and agitated easily, the list goes on and on. Still, I managed to explain to the woman that gave birth to me, to the best thing I ever had, roughly what was wrong with me.

What could she do, she was in a different country. Maybe that was a good thing, seeing me In that state was sure to break her heart. Knowing I wake every morning with the hope of not making it through the day. I was prepared for the angel of death, or so I thought.

“Don’t cry, it’s going to be okay“, she says
Okay? Never in my life had I felt so lost as I did in those few days. And she says it’s going to be okay. And yet, whether I believed things will get better or not, there was something just so true in her voice, that I knew I wasn’t alone. It was time to find that lost soul.

4 thoughts on “Day 4: serially Lost

  1. I can sure feel the emotion and fear that you had at the time and also the comfort of your mother to you. You asked for input. I noticed that you sometimes used present tense and sometimes used past tense. You can do that and pull it off but when you are in the past tense I would suggest that you italicize the text because at that point you are “giving” information about the incident, as sort of a “side note.” Also, I also suggest separating the part that is past tense from the present tense — don’t have it in the same sentence or the same paragraph.


  2. My heart goes out to the character, and I really hope she finds the lost soul she’s looking for. In terms of emotion, you did a good job. Like Priceless Joy said, though, the fluctuating of tenses made it a little jarring to read. Also, the usage and lack of usage of punctuation in places made it hard to stay focused. I suggest experimenting with different kinds of punctuation like hyphens, ellipses (…’s), and so on to see which punctuation best delivers the kind of effect you want your sentences to have. Once again, good job on the emotion!


    1. I am actually nuts for hyphens but at that moment, trying to remember the exact emotions I was going through and putting it into writing, it was a bit overwhelming. I sort of just blurted everything all out. But I’ll be sure to edit, punctuate properly and make it look like a proper piece. Thanks so much for the input, i really appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

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